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Vegas!

I don't have time to do a long recap, so this is what you get:

Best Moments -- Vegas Trip July 2004


  • Roberto's lapdance. Totally. Standing in a sleazy, dark club where you can only get a seat at a table if you "take care of" the bouncer, watching some woman walk right up to Roberto, drop into his lap, and start gyrating. ::ducks what will surely come from telling this story on the internet::

  • Bev's nervousness, seeing as she'd missed the part about us knowing Matt, as Martin had taken to throwing pennies at him. She kept looking around the table, alarmed, as nobody seemed to see a problem with Martin throwing pennies at a guy who was eating with another guy over six feet tall (Mike), who she thought for sure was going to turn around and then beat Martin down. Especially since Martin kept yelling (an inside joke) "I'll make him dance!" Sooo, sooo amusing. Everybody was in hysterics when it finally became obvious that we knew Matt and Bev had a big freak-out/stress releass.

  • Hey, getting five GO's in a row on the Monopoly machine and cashing out at 3037 nickels wasn't bad, either (about $151).

  • Rita Rudner was hilarious.

    "Have you ever ridden that roller coaster they have upstairs at the New York, New York? You know, if you get the right trajectory, you can vomit on the Excalibur."

    "Those men out on the street, handing out the pornographic flyers? They don't pay attention at all to who they're giving them to. One day I was out walking on the strip, and some guy shoved one in my hand. 'You wanna have some fun?' So I asked him, 'Why, do these women want to go shopping? They could certainly use some clothes...'"

    "What guys don't understand, is that shopping is like drugs for us. Buying something? That's marijuana. Buying something on sale? Cocaine. Buying a designer name on sale, something that will never fit you or even look good on you even if it did? That's crack, men."

    "When you have a kid, you start learning ways to get your children to do things. Such as cleaning her room. I get my daughter to clean her room by singing to her, 'Picking up the toys and putting 'em in the closet, picking up the toys and putting 'em in the closet...' And it works so well, I started to do it to my husband. 'Going to the store and buying Rita jewelry, going to the store and buying Rita jewelry...' But he caught on. Now he uses it on me. 'Going to the kitchen and cooking something edible, going to the kitchen and cooking something edible...'"

  • The limo driver, on the way to the show, asking us if we liked country music. When asked why, he told us that he'd just driven some country star the other week, and he doesn't know anything about country music, so he wanted to know if he was big or not. So we asked who it was, and he replied: "Garth Brooks". We all laughed heartily, but when he didn't smile I leaned over and asked him, "Wait, are you serious?" "...yeah, I don't know who that is."

  • Swimming, even in a pool only four feet deep and teeming with children, with the hot desert wind whipping the palm trees around.

  • Russ, my Bartender Boyfriend! Mmmm, strawberry daiquiris...


---

Alright. Gotta go to the store and the car wash and do some more laundry and clean the rest of the house and pet my kitty (who's acting and looking much, much better today, but who is still not eating).

Vet.

We're about to take Candy to the vet. She's worse today. She still won't eat, now she won't even drink, and her famous loud purring is all but gone. She's listless and doesn't fight being moved or picked up; doesn't scramble to get away as she normally does when she turns her nose up at where you've positioned her. She seems to just want to curl up into a ball and sleep. And when she's not sleeping she just looks at me, one eye normal and the other half obscured by her third eyelid, which is swollen so much that she cannot close that eye.

My dad just came out and said to me, "You know, we might have a hard decision to make."

I don't want to think about it. I've had this cat for fifteen years.

Update: It's an abcess. Poor thing, I thought it was her eye, turns out that was just a symptom. Apparently the roots of cats' teeth go up pretty far, almost to the eye socket. What happened was that she'd had a few decaying teeth in the back of her mouth which we hadn't noticed, and they'd decayed so badly that it caused an abcess to form. That was what was causing the swelling below her eye, and what was basically pushing her eye out of the socket a little and causing all the discharge. It was also why she wouldn't eat (obviously).

Unfortunately, she's not fully out of the woods yet. Because of what happened five years ago, when her liver was turning to fat, she might not be able to undergo an operation to fix the problem because she might not be strong enough to survive anesthesia. Basically, if we get a call tonight, it's bad news. They're doing a pre-op blood test on her to check her levels, and if they find she's not strong enough, then... well. We can give her antibiotics, but that won't solve the problem long-term. If they can't put her under to take the teeth out, they will keep abcessing every once in awhile, and she'll have to go on antibiotics again. And basically, that would be cruel, to let her continue the cycle. Soooo... if they can't operate on her, then I guess she'll be put to sleep. I'm going to be jumping everytime the phone rings.

On another sad note, while we were sitting out there waiting to be called into the exam room, a man came walking up with his young daughter in his arms. He had sunglasses on, very Young Hip Daddy. He murmured something to the woman up front, then disappeared into an exam room. A few minutes later, the door opened again, and out came his wife -- openly crying. He trailed along behind her, his own eyes bloodshot behind the glasses, while his little girl clung to his neck. I almost lost it right there, seeing as it became obvious to me what had happened: Husband had been called down to bring Daughter in to say goodbye to her first pet. I looked at Candy and hoped that tomorrow wouldn't bring a similar situation in our family.

Update: Gonna kill the doctor. I was on the phone with Katie, telling her about what was happening, when the line beeped. I switched over, and immediately burst into tears when I heard the guy say that he was calling from the pet hospital. It was... well, almost comedic. I heard the word "doctor" and had to cover my mouth to keep from crying into the phone, it was just that immediate. He went on to explain, though, that her levels were actually looking pretty good, and he just wanted to call to tell me that they were going to be putting her on an IV, to get some fluids back into her system since she was dehydrated, and to start her on the antibiotics. I shakily told him that he'd scared the hell out of me, and he apologized and explained that he had just wanted to let us know about the extra charges, and to tell us to call back at 11:30 tomorrow morning, and he'd update us on how her surgery went.

So. If all goes well, we'll be picking up my kitty at around 4:00 tomorrow afternoon. There is still a chance that no matter what the test results say, she still could not survive the operation, but at least some of the knot in my stomach has untied for the time being. And, hell, if we make it to 11:30 without them calling us to give us bad news, then I'll feel even better.

Kitty.Collapse )

Hee.

The Mighty Tick: Utility penis?
The Poets Song: Oh yes. Utility penis. What every girl needs.

Fall 2004.

ETA 11/20/11 -- Wow. Okay, so I'm going through and only selectively keeping entries here, to get rid of a lot of the emo bullshit and broken links and pictures that are no longer there, etc. before I dive back into this journal and bring it back to life. I had to keep this one, because, awwww -- I was so excited about Andrew's class!

BUT. WTF? Look at that anonymous comment. First off, since when did I *ever* get anonymous comments on my journal back then? And secondly, double WTF at the content of the comment and the fact that it didn't come in until like a month after I originally posted the entry. But I just asked him and he swears it wasn't him being a creeper. Which means it will remain a mystery for the time being, but I will always look at him out of the corner of my eye. ;D

---

English 281 -- Horror, Madness, and the Macabre
Survey of classical and contemporary horror literature including significant works by major authors of the genre, which may include Poe, Mary Shelley, Stevenson, Stoker, and Anne Rice. Emphasis on the cultural, historic, and social contexts in which the literature is created and applies modern critical theory as a means to explore these concerns.
M 1:30 p.m. - 2:45 p.m. // Andrew Rempt
((Kimnote: HELL YES.))

Math 101 -- Precalculus
Functions, relations, theory of equations and inequalities, matrices, binomial theorem, sequences, and series, curve fitting using the graphing calculator. Emphasis on functions (algebraic and transcendental) and graphing.
MW 5:00 p.m. - 6:15 p.m. // John Wilson

Astronomy 100 -- Principles of Astronomy
Comprehensive introduction to the concepts and methods developed in astronomy to describe and understand the physical nature and processes of astronomical phenomena. Topics include the sky, the solar system, stars and stellar evolution, nebulae, the Milky Way Galaxy, galaxies, and cosmology.
W 6:30 p.m. - 9:20 p.m. // John Fitzgerald

English 116 -- Critical Thinking and Composition
Continued instruction and practice in drafting, revising, and editing expository and argumentative essays including a research essay. Emphasizes writing about literature using principles of critical thinking, logical analysis, and inductive and deductive reasoning. Examines common logical errors of language and thought.
TTh 4:30 p.m. - 5:45 p.m. // Andrew Rempt

May. 19th, 2004

My niece today, at the grocery store, told me she has halitosis as an excuse for why she couldn't carry the basket.

I think we learned our lesson about using words of which we don't know their meaning.

Meine freunde.

Today found our table at the Yardhouse being overtaken by World War II era soldiers.

It started with a misheard comment. "I love au jus."

"What?", I said. "You love all Jews naked?" (No idea why I heard naked.)

Matt, who is half Jewish and never lives it down, was tossed up as the sacrifice for the joke. I looked over to him, then back to Martin.

"Which half?"

As Martin and I broke up in to giggling laughter (the same that hit us for the whole drive home after having techno-remixes of Disney songs forced on us in the rental office of one of the apartments we were looking at, by the more feminine half of Will and Gra-- I mean, Lawrence and What's Her Name, and then again when we found out Martin had -- in an attempt to annoy/entertain Matt in the car behind us by alternating turn signals and spraying his back windshield with water -- accidentally hit the ticket booth operator with the water from his wipers), Matt just shook his head.

"Not the half with the fork!" Bryce said, as Matt had been brandishing it as a weapon all night long.

A few minutes later, Martin was playing with his pickle, which he speared with the two little wooden stakes that held his roast beef dip together ("I could stake a midget vampire with these!"), dripping ketchup blood. The pickle soon gained a piece of parsley for a mustache, and Martin raised it up and danced it around, proclaiming it Pickle Hitler.

The pickle toppled into his au jus, which was somehow a metaphor for war-torn Germany, and Pickle Hitler screeched in pain. "He's waiting for the allied a-salt!" Martin proclaimed, brandishing the salt shaker and shaking it quite menacingly at the fallen dictator. The race was on, then. In tandem, Martin and Bryce cast the rest of the condiments.

The malt vinegar bottle marched over from where it'd been sitting peacefully by my fish and chips. "It's Malt Chamberlain!"

The fry which had been impaled on another small wooden stake Bryce picked up, flying it in towards Matt's nose, before switching its attack to Pickle Hitler. "The Germans are frying in to get you!"

The Heinz ketchup became something, though I thoroughly forget what Martin cast it as. The mustard, though, worked quite well. Martin poured it over Pickle Hitler, still trapped in the au jus bowl. "Ahhh! Mustard gas!"

We all cracked up at our own hilarity.

Later on, just before we were leaving to head back home, Martin grinned at us.

"You know why Hitler was such an awful guy? He was just a sauerkraut."

Hee!

Bryce: "Are you singing like Steve Guttenberg's penis?"
Katie: "I am Steve Guttenberg's penis."

Mmmm Ewan.

MagnoliaFaery: I love how, while we sleep on the street for 12 hours to see someone who doesn't know we exist, we exclude ourselves from "the freaks."

We've only done it... three times. Four, probably, by the time December/January rolls around and he's promoting Big Fish. It would be a shame for him to be on Leno and not have that same group of girls screaming and falling over each other in the first three rows.

Heehee.

Oct. 5th, 2003

"I did this movie called Serving Sara. (cringes) Uhm, sorry for that one.
Anyway, I was walking on set with Matthew Perry, and he turns to me: 'You know, that Evil Dead game sucks.' And I'm thinking, Matthew Perry plays Evil Dead games? So I said, 'Well, why does it suck?' And he goes, 'It's clunky.'
'Well... what do you mean, clunky? How is it clunky?'
'Like, it's hard to get through.'
...right. So I ask him, 'Does that mean the game sucks, or you suck?'
And the next day he went into rehab!"

Haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Bruce Campbell was on hand for a Q&A before the showing of Bubba Ho-Tep at the Ken tonight. What a cool guy. When asked if he could toss us a one-liner, he replied, "If I was your little monkey, I could."

We're off to de-virginize Katie with Army of Darkness now.

e-male

From: Kim Wroe [mailto:nospamnospam@superherogirl. net]
To: bitchassho@sbcglobal. net
Subject: OHMYGODKENDRICK!

Bryce kicks me. I glare. He looks innocent. "That was from Ken."

Everything he does that's annoying now? "Ken!"

Thanks.

--Kim

---

From: Kendrick Wroe [mailto:don'tspammycousin@sbcglobal. net]
To: don'tspammeeither@superherogirl. net
Subject: Re: OHMYGODKENDRICK!

Excellent...everything is going as planned.

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